I’ve been in LA for 10 months. And I’ve tried. I really have. I went to bars, for crissakes.But there are some things that come along with LA that I’m just never going to buy into. One is talking about money all the time. Two is the despairing over aging. And three is the Red Carpet Event.
I’ve been to a couple of these things now. Last night’s came replete with celebrities (of course, they being all professional athletes meant that I couldn’t recognize any of them). These things are ridiculous. They are pseudo-fancy and everyone is talking to one another while looking over shoulders, trying to spot someone that can make them seem richer, younger, and red carpetier. So me, looking like a 12-year-old urchin, means that nobody is going to say three words to me. Except of course for the random people that might know that occasionally I have six figures to drop on a photo shoot. Then they are my best friends, clingy and schmoozy.
Frankly, I’d rather go to a bar.
WF: Hey there. I’ve noticed you’ve been being charged $6.95/month for Bill Pay.
AM: Yeah. This is new. It sucks, but, I’ve been needing to keep a lower balance than before.
WF: Oh, well, see, we actually have a product that you qualify for, that would eliminate all fees, and you’ll actually have to do nothing differently than you’re already doing!
AM: Sweet! What do I have to do?
WF: Nothing! You especially don’t need to be transferred to three different people who will ask you for the same information over and over, and then have one of them tell you that you actually don’t qualify for the new product.
AM: Great. So, I’ll just hang up then, and not see any more charges for Bill Pay?
WF: Yes, and, because we didn’t notice this, we’ll actually refund you all of the fees that we’ve charged you, since you’ve been a customer of ours for 24 years, since you drove your bicycle up to the local branch and asked to open an account, and even though you were too young, we did it anyway, because you were cute.
That’s what should have happened. In reality, the EXACT OPPOSITE did. Eff banks.
Here’s our halloweenie costume. Can you figure out who we are? Hint: look at monkey’s finger.
playboy bunny outfit?
just relaxing, normally, in a tiara.
The thing is, I didn’t even do this to him. The dog sitter did. With her own pink bejeweled items. And he let her! And he liked it!
